Leaving Loving Ladakh

Happy (almost) Birthday, Lisa!!! Happy soon-birthday, Audrey!!!! I love you guys (sister and niece).
Today is my last day in Leh. I started the day admiring the bright blue skies, white fluffy clouds, golden fields of wheat billowing on the farmlands spreading out from my hotel window and overlooking the resplendent rainbow of colors in the Guesthouse vegetable and flower garden. I finished reading ‘The Prophet,’ saw a friend off onto the road of travels and taught a class eight people chakra yoga for two hours. And now, this.

Today is the first full day of Ramadan. The Kashmiri shopkeepers are uncharacteristically quiet as they aren’t supposed to speak much to conserve their energy during the day while they fast. The streets of Leh are actually uncharacteristically quiet compared to the buzzing activity of July. Most of the tourists have gone and all shopkeepers will leave by Sept. 15. It’s nice to have the streets of this gorgeous valley so still and calm. I’m sure the shopkeepers agree on a certain level, while they surely disagree on a financial levely. They’re as amiable and calm as ever and I feel at home as we exchange our usual chats, occasionally sharing a cup of black tea.

I haven’t written for a while because so much has been happening here that I can’t distill into words. Rather than drag on and forget so much, I’ll make an effort here on my trusty blog. Perhaps I’ll work backwards.

For the past three days, the fellows who own La Pizzeria, Praful and Sunni, and I have been trying to sort out a trip to an and the paint shop. None of it has manifested and so La Pizzeria will remain unpainted and my story unspoken to me by the Oracle. I now have two incredible reasons to return to Leh. Since neither plan would work out, the lads invited me to go to Spituk monastery with them to see a Champa (a masked dance). As time passes in India, by the time we arrived, it was already over. Since I’d already seen Spituk (a la the fire puja with the head lama) and my Zanskar trekking partner Silvaine from France had also seen it, we decided on plan B – no plan. The lads took us on their favorite drive for making decisions. We drove through small villages with the noticeable change in building materials from mud bricks to cement bricks and tin roofs to accommodate the increasing amounts of rain from melting glaciers all around the valley. We drove past the Indus River, in parts with cows sloshing through it for no apparent reason and in other parts with two men relaxing alongside the shore in the sun and in other parts with 10 different vehicles being washed on (and in) its river banks – a natural car wash! We drove past the park where ‘’young Ladakhis go to be romantic and disappear into the brush’as Praful said. So, there is some sort of romantic tactility in this country…who knew? We continued on to the picnic grounds where they go to relax along the offshoot of the Indus. Where our picnics may last an afternoon, theirs often go from one week to two weeks! They just bring tents and provisions and stay as long as they last. What a pace.
As we lunched by the side of the river and discussed politics, materialism and spirituality, a cow walked across the creek to join us. We fed it small apples and eventually, I had the cow literally eating out of my hand. Another one joined and I found I have an uncanny ability to speak to cows. I’m not kidding. Initially, the cow wouldn’t let either man touch her, but literally walked up to me even though I didn’t have any apples. The other cow walked directly toward me while I whistling (or trying to whistle) and then posed for photographs with me. Every time I turned my head, it turned its head. When I told it to look at the camera, she did! It was a very sweet experience to connect with such a docile and revered creature. The eyes of a cow are like a deer’s eye – calm and beautiful. I felt like Leh was giving me a little lick of love to send me on my way.
The sun was shining and illuminating the entire brook and forests in glittering bastions of gold. We walked through the forest slowly – snapping photos and savoring the beauty of India. The valley was of course the snow-capped Himalayas on one side and the dilapidated stupas and fortress of Shey Palace on the other side. I felt warm and lucky in the embrace of nature and man-made spiritual history.

We drove back through Chogsalmer, where I’d been invited to return to teach English and yoga. After notifying the headmaster that I’d be on a trek for a while, I haven’t contacted him since. There is a block in me that is not ready to return to classrooms of children and actually teach English or yoga. I feel bad about this block and will call the man today to say that I am leaving, but it just didn’t feel right. I made no promises to the man, but still realize that this was a beautiful opportunity offered to me that I did not take. Why not? I don’t know. This is something to look at. Maybe it’s okay if I don’t want to. But, I still feel bad about it. Bless the little children without my English or yoga.

Last night, I walked up to Shanti Stupa at sunset – or actually just after sunset. The wisened old Kashmiri man with the crooked smile and soft brown eyes who sells tea at the bottom of the steps (“there are 600 steps!” beamed an enthusiastic German trekker as he descended the stairs past me) shook his head when he saw me approaching, solo per usual. “You are always late” he says, echoing numerous other greetings of the past such as ‎‎’’you’re too late” and “the sunset is gone already.’’ I raised my arms and said ‘that’s my nature’and for the first time since I’ve taken this journey, the man smiled at me and said ‘sometimes that is a better way.’ I shared with him a bit of the banana chocolate pie that I picked up from my favorite bakery, Babylon. I bought this pie to celebrate the beauty of Leh for one of my final evenings at Shanti Stupa. “Take a slow pace and enjoy”’ he called to me as I left on my ascent. Words to live by…

At the top of the stupa, the tourists were gone, the sun was gone and everything sparkled silvery pink in the aftermath of the sunset. The empty platform spilled silver and inviting from the stupa to the valley and mountains below. I couldn’t resist the calling and started doing heart openers and downward dogs through yoga right there on the platform. It was beautiful and empowering. I rested and chanted a guidance song ‘’aum asatoma sat gamaya, tamasoma jyotir gamaya, mrityor ma amritam gamaya, auuuuuummm, hari aum.’’ This sweet song I’d sung many a times with Sarah and as Shanti Stupa was one of her favorite places, I though of her. Suddenly, two Tibetan men appeared (not monks) and sat down to chat with me. They complimented my yoga and we began a nice dialogue about breathing and God and Tibet and Leh. I realized that there I was alone on a high hill with two strange men. Yet, there was such a kind goodness to them that I felt no fear and only camaraderie in our joint appreciation of the universe and ways to feel it within. Everything happens in threes – sure enough, my Tibetan massage partner (I took a five-day course and am now certified to give a full body massage!) Tim showed up at the stupa and joined us. We gazed in silence for a while, then went onto the stupa to say goodbye to the beautiful figures within the stupa depicting the life of Buddha. We sat in front of the ‘Turning the Wheel of Dharma”and I sang some devotional songs. It was mixing religions, but Buddha surely didn’t care as I offered it up to the universe and Tim and me as I hoped that our dharma wheels would continue to unfurl as they should.

I returned home from the stupa to a note from a San Francisco yoga instructor that I met here named Rani and a swiss cheese maker named Bhim. Bhim’s note included a lovely bouquet of flowers and some sweets. I placed them next to the card Tim had given me with two kit kats and a card quoting the Dalai Lama about friendship. I suddenly became aware that I had gathered an amazing array of friends and teachers here in Leh and they were very generous with their kindness and offers of friendship. Each note and card was given to me b/c all of us are taking off on our own paths and may or may not reconvene. Rani and I know many of the same people in San Francisco and Fairfax and actually dated the same man. Bhim is the last initiate of Swami Gitananda, who is the exact same Swami with whom my teacher David at Pyramid Yoga studied with. Thus, I studied in Thailand the science of yoga and the chakras, as taught by swami Gitananda and received by Bhim the cheesemaker who I just happened to meet in Leh (through Sarah). When I met Bhim, I liked him automatically and thought I would very much like to discuss yoga with him. What do you know? We literally speak the same language when it comes to yoga and it was a very fortuitous meeting, indeed. (Tim – well there is no connection – he’s a kind, gentle traveler on his own path and I wish him well. He has great hands and is a terrific masseuse. I hope he keeps it up.)

Two days ago was the first day of the Leh festival. I watched the parade of Ladakhis from all the various villages that I’d visited in the past two months. They performed dances and songs as they paraded through the emptying streets of Leh and culminated in a giant stage in the polo field until evening time. Rani and I enjoyed the festival together as we sat side by side with Ladakhi men on a mud fence overlooking the polo grounds. We were, of course, the only women to be so brazen as to join the men on top of a fence – dirt and all. Who cares? That morning as I waited for the parade, I met a crystal shop owner who told me that he noticed my vibrant energy which was very powerful, but I had a blocked second and fifth chakra. He is a kashmiri muslim grandfather, who is also a crystal healer who has worked with Osho and is a disciple of Sai Baba. Only in India. We shared a delicious cup of chai as we discussed energy centers and his experiences with crystals. We were interrupted by a Frenchman who was an old friend of his - I left them to catch up. I think I’ll spend a bit of my last day with him to see what crystals are about and how they may help this blockage. Why not? The second chakra, by the way, is the covalent force of nature that brings two molecules together to create a new thing – such as H2O – water. It has to do with your ability to receive emotional energies from other people and to be fluid with their energies, take it in and enjoy it, learn from it, but don’t lose your own energy in the surge of another’s. Keep the balance, stay open, share discriminatingly or else you give too much of yourself and are depleted. The fifth chakra is the throat chakra – expression. I have this blog, but why didn’t I go to the Tibetan school to teach English and yoga? A block, perhaps. What else am I not saying???

The prior night, I walked up to Shanti Stupa, bought tea from the Kashmiri man at the base that he says is good for chest pain. I don’t have any, but why not try some? I told him I could give it to the guesthouse owners and he ordered me to ‘take it home’and share it there. Okay, grandma, I hope you’ll like this tea. It’s for you. At the top of the stupa, I meditated on my girlfriend Marta Maria Marraccini who is marrying imminently a French man she met on a Mexican beach. His name is Phillipe and they are very much in love. I’m very, very sad to miss the wedding. So, I went to the top and meditated on their union. I opened my eyes and saw a rainbow arching over Leh Palace across the valley. A very auspicious symbol, indeed, for their union. I then closed my eyes and wished them the wisdom to compromise and learn from eachother and have compassion for their differences. I opened my eyes and looked to the Himalayan side of the valley. Half of the valley was a pink billowing fog and the other half was a heavy blue fog – just lingering together side by side over the Indus River and crowned by the snowy Himalayas. It was a perfect affirmation from nature, yet again, that the Himalayas bless their union. So…even if I’m not there in person, the Himalayas and I are there in nature and spirit 100%.

At night, the dogs continue to howl with the Muslim call to prayer. Last night, for no reason at all, the dogs barked all around the valley for about an hour. They wouldn’t stop and the barks and howls came from all sides of the valley. Hundreds of dogs releasing their song and I contemplated the beauty of the wild dogs of Ladakh – in community through the vibrations of their barks, alone. I wished I could howl to my mom and hear her call in return to bridge our distance. Then I wondered if I was becoming a little crazy with such thoughts????

As surely as the dogs howl around here, the flies have arrived in Leh to die, according to Praful. One day, I was receiving a massage from a Tibetan (the school where I learned Tibetan massage) and a fly was buzzing around and landing on me. He occasionally brushed it off of me. As I turned over, I asked if Buddhists didn’t believe in killing even one fly. He laughed, said a guard of the Dalai Lama’s had killed a fly in front of him and been told that was not good. Then he asked if I wanted to kill it – I lied and said ‘no.’ That night, when I returned to my hotel room, there were swarms of flies that magically appeared from the ceiling. Initially, I freaked out and thought it was too similar to Amityville Horror, then lauged at the lesson. So, okay, I want to kill a fly. I don’t, but I REALLY wanted to. That was just one. Now, my place of rest must be shared with hundreds of them. It was too cold for me to open a window – they were inside with me where it was warm and dry. So, I surrendered to the fact that I must be respectful of all creatures and went to bed covered as much as I could from their curious little legs and buzzes. I was surprised that they left me alone. We could all share the room without killing or irritating eachother. Who knew?

That was the same day that I celebrated the completion of my course by doing the unthinkable…I ate ice cream. Tim wanted a beer and went off after our celebration lunch to find a place that would serve it. Very hard to find alcohol up here. I went to a clean, touristy place for vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce. It was good, but as I ate it, I cringed. Sure enough, one hour later as I’m listening to a Tibetan astrologer telling me that I was a dog in my past life, I felt that familiar bubble of gas swell up like a giant balloon inside me. The rest of the day was misery. I’ll never eat ice cream in India again. Ever. The astrologer told me to stick to the spiritual precepts and to stop thinking so much and my path will unfurl. I hoped that it wouldn’t unfurl too much in his presence. Ha ha. But really, there is a theme here of relenting, surrender, spiritual practice and a natural path. I’m living it now and it is beautiful. So, here goes a big ruff and a howl to the dharma wheel – it’s unfurling and yelping in just the right time and place and pace. Sweetness is everywhere and there’s no need to poison oneself with temptations that we know are bad for us, like ice cream in India. There are so many other sweet things to do and try instead. Wonderful…

I spent some time in the garden of the guesthouse with the neighbor’s seven-year old daughter. We painted flowers and mountains and the sky. Hers was a celebration of everything within eye’s view, while mine focused more on a single flower. We brought our wet paintings into the sun and danced around with them as they dried. It was lovely to giggle by doing such a simple thing. I wish that all of us would spend even one hour with a child painting in a sunny garden. Everything is a celebration and it’s everywhere!
Even when a cow steps out of the dark shadows directly in front of me as I walk the roads at night, I am initially startled than just have to laugh at the reality of it – the cow is queen (and prolific).

I’ve previously alluded to the flow within the chaos of India. It is here with all aspects of nature all the time – and rather than run from it, to simply observe it is a beautiful blend of feeling and experience. At La Pizzeria, a gale-force wind blew through Leh and we all simply stood and watched the force of nature as it howled across the valley in silence for about 30 minutes. While trekking, I avoided hale pummeling down on us at 4,000 meters, just by bending my head and enjoying the popcorn effects of the hale hitting the ground. As we walked through the sunny groves, it felt like golden nectar was bathing us in sweetness. When fording a river or a creek, you simply feel the curve of the river rock on which you’ve stepped so that you may move forward with firm footing in a flowing current. When the electricity went out during the Leh festival, everyone cheered and the performers kept singing and dancing until the power went on again – no beat was missed – but there was celebration at the fluctuation and power of nature. I love the way India celebrates nature. It is, like the cow, highly revered. And….it makes sense.

These are some examples of what I mean when I say that I haven’t written b/c so much has been happening. Words can’t really capture the love, the peace, the celebration, the alignment of things. I feel very safe and peaceful and held in Leh. I think of heading to the next destination of the unknown and get nervous. Then I realize that India is safer than the USA and I have nothing to fear. As Rusty would say, courage not fear.

I saw Obama’s acceptance speech at the Democratic Nat’l Convention and was almost moved to tears. The many erosions of civil rights and liberties inflicted upon the middle and lower classes was recognized, voiced and addressed. While listening to this articulate, grounded, charismatic man with a heart and a brain, I felt an infusion of hope for America. In listening to him, I realized how very disenchanted I had become with my country, with my job and with my life. Much of it was wrapped up in fighting the powers that be and go unchecked due to political corruption and consumer laziness. When Obama said that the change comes from within the moral structure of America, I hoped that this would be a wake-up call for Americans to learn, know and assert their rights again. Having the lawyers do it for them is too soul sucking for the lawyers – at least that’s how I feel. But, if Obama wins, will the people of America heed his call? Are they so fed up with debt and lies and war that they’ll vote for someone with vision, clarity, leadership and insight that has a heart? God, I hope so, I hope so, I hope so. And I hope Obama lives a very long time. God I hope so, I hope so, I hope so. This must be how people felt about Kennedy and his promise. I swell with hope at the prospect of a “changed”America. No one knows who will win. When I heard Bush wasn’t attending the Republican National Convention so he could go to New Orleans before the storm hit, I just felt sick. You know why…

So, it’s lunch time and I think I’ll go to my family at La Pizzeria. I have been eating staff meals with them and tasting the “real Indian food,”including a delicious mutton rogan josh last night. I don’t eat meat, usually, but this was a kashmiri speciality and delicious!! The lads have invited me to join them in Goa – where they are opening a new restaurant and guest house facility. If I teach yoga for two hours a day, they will build me a bamboo hut of my own to live for free. I can help them design the place and paint a wall, finally. The chef will show me how to cook his delicious foods. Praful and I can continue to discuss Hinduism and Sunni can describe further aspects of Tibetan Buddhism to me. Vinny, the sleazy waiter, will continue to hit on me and act desperately wounded when nothing pans out for him again and again and again. It’s an option with a group I’ve become very close to. They are like my brothers and their insights are 100% India. As Alex told me at the Indian border, India will take care of you and then you’ll take care of India. We’ll see whether our paths will reunite in India and the men who have been so good to me in Leh can be taken care of by my yoga, wit, and calm presence. I alone have this invitation and they are sincere. Again, the universe just provides. My plan doesn’t at the moment include Goa. We will see…

My current plan is to leave tomorrow on Lisa’s birthday and fly to Delhi. Perhaps I’ll spend one night in Amritsar at the Golden Temple to give due reverence to the Sikhs. Then, or otherwise, I’ll go straight to Rajastan and explore on my own for three weeks. This is the REAL India – gorgeous, colorful, zany, harassing and chaotic. After the peace of Leh, it will be a real shift. I’ll have to remember to breath, but what a gorgeous rainbow of energy and light swirling everywhere that will be. Wow. Courage not fear. After that, I fly to Europe on Sept. 27 for five days at the Red Sea and a two week tour through the pyramids and to luxor and Alexandria and a night in the desert. Thereafter, I reunite with Christian in Morocco for I hope a jeep ride through the sand dunes, a la his invitation. I depart to Morocco on October 16. I will likely return to Bombay on Nov. 1 when Christian leaves and explore Southern India. Goa is there. We will see…An ashram experience sounds pretty interesting, so perhaps Kerala or Tamil Nadu…or the Andaman Islands… or visit Bhim at his yoga hospital in Karnataka….who knows?

The path continues to unfurl…thank you beautiful, beautiful Leh. I love you.
FarewLeaving Ladakh