The rain has been pounding off and on for three days now. It is nothing like the horrendous weather that annihilated parts of Burma. Thankfully, not like that at all. I rest easy atop a jungle laden hill stretching directly up from a beautiful white sand beach in my pretty white, vanilla yellow and light blue bungalow that has a solid frame, a good roof and sturdy French doors that stretch three “walls” of my bungalow wide open. I even have a small library of books shipped over from the States several months ago, a laptop with internet access and cell phone reception up here. My i-pod stereo speakers, standing fan and electronic kettle for tea make it a complete electronic “home.” Due to the sturdy frame and expansive roof, my comfy bed and hammock stay dry even when the wind and rain outside and all around me is torrential – yet I can still feel wind whipping through my hair by leaving my “walls” open wide. This is paradisal living at its best! Two sides of this bungalow overlook the turquoise blue bay where I will reside until June. I can see the bad weather approaching from miles away as it fuses into a grey white blur with the water and makes the horizon a big fluff of fuzz. It approaches quickly, then passes, then approaches again. There are regular lapses of sunshine in between. Again, this has only been for three days – every day prior has been sunny throughout the day. This bay is called Had Yuan and is on the southeast side of Koh Phangan – it is right next to the bay (Had Tien) where ‘Sanctuary’ that I discussed in my second blog entry is located.
It is sweet that the very place where I started on this island specifically asked me to return in order to teach yoga. In short, I came by Had Yuan for a night and ran into two people that I’ve become close to over my three months of visiting this bay periodically. We were sitting at dinner celebrating the end of my course when Kelli from Sanctuary asked if I wanted to teach yoga there. I said “yes.” Then Scratch (really named Paul, but so called b/c a few years ago, he was scratched on the face so deeply that the name stuck even after the marks subsided) asked if I wanted to teach yoga at Bamboo Hut. I said “yes” to that, too. Then the two of them conferred and decided it would be best for me to teach at Bamboo b/c it was a daily gig, whereas Sanctuary would be temporary. So, we decided I’d teach at Bamboo. Within minutes, someone else stated that one of the expats that lives in the jungle around Had Tien needed a cat sitter and I could live there for free – I happened to know the woman living there and she immediately assented that I could live there until May 15 rent free. I couldn’t believe how easy this was, but figured that this was proof positive that the universe does provide when you just decide to surrender to just being in the moment. The next day (Sun. April 27) , I returned to Pyramid in the NE side of the island for one last evening. It was a beautiful evening as we (several of my favorite friends from Pyramid) sang kirtan in the sound dome and had a late dinner at my favorite restaurant. The following day, I arrived at Had Yuan. I wasn’t really sure where I would stay, but the boat from Had Rin (the only way to get here is by boat from Had Rin) took me directly to the giant quartz boulder (the boats usually go to the beach and not directly to the bungalows – so this was quite an anomaly) that is part of Bamboo Hut in Had Yuan and without a word the boys came down to the boat, took all of my bags and brought them straight up to an open bungalow. Voila! Decision made. I had so many bags that the Bamboo Hut boys now call me “Supergirl.” I chose not to move into the jungle house as it had no electricity and smelled of cat urine. I suppose this would fit within my friend Mia’s suggestion for the name of my blog: “Confessions of a High Maintenance Traveler.” Ha ha. My friend Bianca didn’t mind either of these issues and also plans on staying for a while, so she took the place instead. After surveying both bays to see where I wanted to reside, I waited six days for this idyllic bungalow to become available and moved right in on Saturday May 3 – I have now been here 10 days. It is in short a charmed place, a charmed job, idyllic circumstances and very, very nice to be here.
I had my 35th birthday dinner on April 30 with about a dozen friends that I have made over the months from both Had Tien and Had Yuan. We sat outside eating steamed fish from lowlying tables with tiny kerosene lanterns on a platform that was on top of the same quartz boulder on which the boat landed days before. This is the same quartz boulder and platform on which I sat in awe when I first arrived at these bays and could not believe how many intelligent, sophisticated and interesting expats reside either full or part time here and live their lives completely divorced from corporate existence. I couldn’t believe that was possible when I first arrived. My, how times have changed. I cried again on the morning of my birthday b/c I couldn’t believe how blessed I am to be exactly where I am right now in my life. Blessed. I did not cry at my birthday dinner – I laughed – a lot. It was a very merry birthday, indeed. To illustrate the full circle happenings, here is what I wrote in my blog about this place, Bamboo Hut, and Lily the birthday girl is the woman who built the studio Blooming Lotus where I am now teaching:
Just over the hill is a delicious restaurant with a breathtaking view. I was invited by a couple of people to attend a birthday dinner of one of the yoga instructors the third night that I was at Sanctuary. I went to the party and the couple who invited me (one man was from San Francisco and the woman says she recognizes me from San Francisco - she's an Aussie but his girlfriend for a while - both burners) were not there. Sprawled out on pillows among low tables piled with mounds of mouth-watering Thai food and coconuts were dozens of layed back 'local transplants.' I greeted the beautiful birthday girl, Lily, who is a yoga teacher as she was getting four massages - on each limb from adoring men - and beaming a bright beautiful smile onto the party. The moon shined behind her and the sound of the waves far below made it seem like we were all floating. I wished her a happy birthday and joined the party. Even though I knew nobody, every person was open and kind. Within moments Kate from England and I were sharing a lovely steamed fish that we ate with our fingers - succulent sweet and spicy, it was. Kate has returned many times to this place and spent a long time travelling - she is me in a couple of years. She is relaxed, smart and beautiful. She said 'I look forward to seeing you again after your course.' I couldn't agree more. On my other side was Marisa - a champion thai boxer from Australia (I think) - who decided there should be gyms on the island. She started 'Jungle Gym.' Who knew a foreigner could come up with such a wacky idea and apparently be quite successful? Wild.The list goes on...the beauty of all of this, the realization that I'd left it all behind, the stark contrast between me and them as far as how completely laid back they were, the realization that every person at the table had chosen to change their lives in this manner....well, it was quite simply overwhelming. I kept feeling waves of emotion. I got up and walked to a giant boulder nearby and laid down to gaze at the stars and process my feelings. Shortly thereafter, I was joined by one of the men at the table - a wild blue eyed blonde with a gentle nature - named Shane. He silently joined me from a distance and after a few minutes we pointed out constellations to eachother and reveled in the beauty of the night sky. He then got up and rejoined the party. I did the same a few minutes later. The interactions here are that simple. Easy, natural and good.
As an update to this, Kelli from Sanctuary is the lady that invited me to the party and is returning to Australia shortly, Lily and her husband went back home to Canada until Dec., Shane returned to Australia until Dec. and I saw Kate off to Berlin two days after I arrived – she doesn’t know when she’ll return, but she will. Marisa is still here and last I heard, she cut the head off of a pit viper with a machete while the thais were building a new bungalow. She is one heck of a strong woman. I’ve only seen a tree snake here, thankfully. I am scheduled to go to Nepal in early June, although I may change my ticket to stay here until my visa expires on June 15. This is low tourist season and I like it here. I’ve perfected the technique to kill mosquitoes (you come from underneath and then slap) so there are really no inconveniences to staying. It’s quite comfortable here. We’ll see…Another option is Bali…
I have never been in better shape physically, mentally or spiritually. I feel great! Unfortunately, I took a light turn for the worse yesterday when I lost my footing (both of them) while walking off of my balcony onto my steps with full hands. My legs went straight up due to the wet surface from which I hydroplaned at a quick clip and I landed smack on my back (thoracic 12-7 from what I can feel) on the tiled balcony. Nothing broke my fall. It was very jarring, indeed. I can feel that the vertebrae are fine and that there is just something awry with the muscle along the right side of my spine. Yesterday, I did nothing but lay on my back all day. A beautiful Danish man named Morton brought me food and dvds throughout the day and was just plain awesome in taking care of me while I did nothing but lie down and cry because the pain was so great. Today is much, much better. I can get up, walk around, almost bend over and the pain is no longer so bad that I cry. What hurts more now is my elbow. Somehow during the fall, I tore a deep and nasty gash in my right elbow – the blood spurted everywhere – it was gross. These new injuries add to my puss oozing right knee that sustained a deep gash about a month ago when the driver of the motorbike I was on fell over on a dry, dirty road. The accident was in slow motion and really not a big deal at all. However, the knee is now infected because I went swimming in the water and didn’t clean it immediately after (I thought it was fully healed and closed up with a little scab. I guess I was wrong). So, I’m currently a bit incapacitated on my right side and can’t do the three back bends a day that I do for fun quite yet. But, it could be much, much worse! I’m taking this as an opportunity to sit down, update my blog, read some books, figure out how to download photographs and just relax. Mom and Grandma, please don’t worry – this is part of the adventure – I am taking very good care of myself and will certainly seek medical attention if necessary – I promise. It is not necessary. I know this. All a doctor can do is give me pain killers, first aid ointment, bandages and directives to rest – I’m doing all of this. My back feels much better today and I’m regularly applying iodine to the gashes and staying out of the water (boo hoo). No spinal surgery required. So all is well! I have substitute teachers for my yoga classes and will refrain from doing my own practice until I feel better. I have two brand new students scheduled for tomorrow and can teach them while sitting down, so this will be another new opportunity to share yoga in a different way. Okay, fine – whatever happens is fine. No problem.
Finally, I met a tan, buggy blue-eyed man at Bamboo Hut who has laugh lines on his face. He’s the beautiful Danish man who took care of me yesterday. He’s a 33-year old music producer from Copenhagen who just sold his flat and his business to travel the world. He wants to relocate and establish a recording studio in the States. He shipped an electronic keyboard all the way from Denmark to his bungalow so he could practice the piano! I have to wait two weeks to hear him, but he plays the drums and guitar beautifully. As if the buggy blue-eyed tan lined skin bit isn’t bizarre, I DID have the experience of pure contentment while standing in front of peaceful water while he was with me. I scoffed at the idea that I had seen this before and doubted I would rest my head on his shoulder b/c he was some distance behind me and told myself that it was just a coincidence…but then he approached me from behind, gently pulled me up to him and my head nestled just into the crook of his shoulder – JUST LIKE IN MY VISION. We have spent several days together. He’s unique, hilarious and he challenges me. He left today for one week and will return here until mid-June. Rather than read too much into this, I am simply recognizing that I am exactly where I need to be. This is all part of the moment to moment existence and I’m loving every minute of it. It is a marvelous coincidence, though! Note: he does not own a white linen shirt and his eyes are more green than blue at times…and I did see him off on a boat today, but I wasn’t standing on a dock. All of this relates to a vision I had after Holotropic Breathwork in October 2006: I was standing on a dock when I saw a buggy blue eyed man with a tan, lined face unloading stuff from a boat. I again saw him standing tall among a crowd of foreigners with darker skin. I then saw myself on waters edge with long hair and a yogic body gazing at water that looked a lot like Thailand at twilight feeling complete contentment. In that vision, the buggy blue eyed man reappeared from behind me, pulled me into him and I nestled my head on his shoulder.
Yet another miraculous experience on this incredible journey into the unkown…
I have been remiss in updating my blog and will take this rainy day opportunity to update it as best as I can from March 21 on…. Very, very soon…
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Heading off to Burma tonight for a quick visa run. I don't want to give money to the Burmese govt. but am tight for time. I just checked into the overnight boat, which looks very basic. My bungalow is pretty posh and I think once I move on at the end of April, I'll need to adjust to spartan living. As long as I have my yoga mat, I should be fine. I purchased a djembe drum 12 inches and had lessons - whether I strap that to my pack is doubtful, but could lead to many fun opportunities.
I just received word from Tiffany that she and hubby do not need crew for Idonesia. We'll see what that means - I'll likely head to Nepal in May, Egypt in June and No. India for July and August. Then return to the US for Marta's wedding around 9/6? Who knows?
To continue on my daily routine from the last blog: after 2.5 hours of postures, we have breakfast. Then, we have lectures on the chakras and the associated practices and phsyiology. This varies widely. We have studied chanting, singing, voice training, visualization, coloring, painting, dancing, breathing in moving warrior poses very similar to thai chi, psychology/counseling, physiology, anatomy, energy work and the various circulatory and nerve systems as well as the cerebral hemisphere. We then have lunch at 1ish. This is almost always a salad of cabbage and carrots and tomatoes shredded like coleslaw w/out the mayo, rice and a veggie curry. We then go back to school for more of the same until we finish at 4. Sometimes I have a massage scheduled, I used to have drumming lessons, and sometimes I just hike (now ride) down to the beach to use the internet and get a fruit shake. Swimming is usually not too desirable given the shallow water and 6:00 dinner time. Dinner is similar to lunch w/the salad and rice. We have twice had black beans with a mexican theme - otherwise, fairly thai-based. On Monday, we have a movie at 7:30 like Zeitgeist, What the Bleep, etc. Thought provoking films. On Tuesday, we have a sangha - a circle where we discuss philosophy or the Bhagavad Gita from 7:30-9. On Thursday, we have chanting and singing in the sound dome from 7:30-9. On Friday, we have sound journeys, but I haven't taken one yet as I usually leave for the weekends. We usually have the weekend off with the option of attending a public welcome kirtan in the sound dome on Sunday night at 7:30. This is fun b/c other yogis from the other yoga centers on the island join us for song. This was one of my favorite parts of studying with Rusty and Janet in San Francisco. Here, it is a bit more Vedic, i.e. monotone, but still fun.
The other night, we listened to harmonics a capella toning. I fell asleep and when I woke up, I thought I was royalty and I wondered where my attendants were. It was only when I saw my clothes that I realized I was Kyra in Thailand at yoga training. It was bizarre. They say the throat chakra is the realm of tapping into the electromagnetic universe through vibrations and sound. They say the electromagnetic universe contains the akashic records/field of everything in the past, present and future, i.e. all the vibrations/energies/frequencies. Did I, then, tap into a past life as royalty???? Who knows?
The journey continues...
Bye for now!
I just received word from Tiffany that she and hubby do not need crew for Idonesia. We'll see what that means - I'll likely head to Nepal in May, Egypt in June and No. India for July and August. Then return to the US for Marta's wedding around 9/6? Who knows?
To continue on my daily routine from the last blog: after 2.5 hours of postures, we have breakfast. Then, we have lectures on the chakras and the associated practices and phsyiology. This varies widely. We have studied chanting, singing, voice training, visualization, coloring, painting, dancing, breathing in moving warrior poses very similar to thai chi, psychology/counseling, physiology, anatomy, energy work and the various circulatory and nerve systems as well as the cerebral hemisphere. We then have lunch at 1ish. This is almost always a salad of cabbage and carrots and tomatoes shredded like coleslaw w/out the mayo, rice and a veggie curry. We then go back to school for more of the same until we finish at 4. Sometimes I have a massage scheduled, I used to have drumming lessons, and sometimes I just hike (now ride) down to the beach to use the internet and get a fruit shake. Swimming is usually not too desirable given the shallow water and 6:00 dinner time. Dinner is similar to lunch w/the salad and rice. We have twice had black beans with a mexican theme - otherwise, fairly thai-based. On Monday, we have a movie at 7:30 like Zeitgeist, What the Bleep, etc. Thought provoking films. On Tuesday, we have a sangha - a circle where we discuss philosophy or the Bhagavad Gita from 7:30-9. On Thursday, we have chanting and singing in the sound dome from 7:30-9. On Friday, we have sound journeys, but I haven't taken one yet as I usually leave for the weekends. We usually have the weekend off with the option of attending a public welcome kirtan in the sound dome on Sunday night at 7:30. This is fun b/c other yogis from the other yoga centers on the island join us for song. This was one of my favorite parts of studying with Rusty and Janet in San Francisco. Here, it is a bit more Vedic, i.e. monotone, but still fun.
The other night, we listened to harmonics a capella toning. I fell asleep and when I woke up, I thought I was royalty and I wondered where my attendants were. It was only when I saw my clothes that I realized I was Kyra in Thailand at yoga training. It was bizarre. They say the throat chakra is the realm of tapping into the electromagnetic universe through vibrations and sound. They say the electromagnetic universe contains the akashic records/field of everything in the past, present and future, i.e. all the vibrations/energies/frequencies. Did I, then, tap into a past life as royalty???? Who knows?
The journey continues...
Bye for now!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Flowing with the Chakras
There is an incredible book called 'The Book of Life' that discusses the religion and society of ancient Egypt. Believe it or not, their practices are very, very similar to yoga practiced in India and The Sciend of Yoga that we are studying at Pyramid Yoga Center here in Thailand. Take a look. It's fascinating. For instance, we've learned that humans usually use only 10% of their lung capacity. Due to pollution, processed foods, lack of exercise, stress and lack of breathing, we do not have enough oxygen in our systems to function properly, i.e. deficient immune systems, poor circulation, high stress, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, grumpiness, etc. The list goes on and on. We started this program learning how to breathe. For days and days, it seems like that is all we did. It drove me bonkers. But now that we have learned various breathing techniques and expanded our lung capacity by doing various asanas (postures), I can feel the difference in my entire body. I am more vital and radiant than I have ever been. Of course, being without work and exercising 2.5 hours every day helps, but I can really feel a difference by the increased amount of oxygen in my body. They say that one of the biggest causes of disease is oxygen deficient cells. So is it possible that if we breathed more, we could cure some of those diseases without medicine? In Egypt, the first thing they did with sick people was to isolate them for three days to do various breathing exercises. They then had the people fast or do enemas to clear their systems. They then had them meditate to connect with a higher power and to clear their mind of the internal clutter. Only after all of this was done would they try to establish what else needed to be done. Oftentimes, the cure was already exacted through these techniques.
It's an interesting prospect. The power of oxygen. I welcome your comments...
Let me go ahead and describe a typical day. At 5:30 a.m., I wake up with the sunrise and the jungle wakes up with me. I sleep with my windows open and hope that the mosquito net will keep all unwanted guests out of my bed at least. Before rising, I say five things I am grateful for and do a couple of twists. Before popping out of bed, I check for scorpions on the floor - haven't seen any yet. I have a backdoor that leads to a bathroom without a ceiling. My mom and stepfather sent me a goofy pink wallhanging (cotton) that says "life is good" with a beatnick looking yogi smiling broadly - that's the first thing I see when I open the bathroom door and it always makes me smile. Thanks mom and Eric - you guys are funny every morning! I check for scorpions and snakes as I desend the three steps to my cold shower (no hot water here) which I take under the dawning sky. I may have "a spot of tea" before throwing on loose pants and a yoga shirt with a scarf. Sometimes I grab a handful of cashew nuts on my way out.
I walk up two hills and then a jungle path to get to the Pyramid. Sometimes I wear shoes, sometimes not. If it's raining, I may or may not take an umbrella. It doesn't really matter as it is relatively hot and steamy and we have water tubs outside of the studio and bathroom to clean our feet. The walk up both hills takes about 15 minutes. The Pyramid is open air with the largest mosquito net of blue ever seen. The 26 of us meditate there from 6:30 - 7:00 a.m. with the guidance of teachers David or Marina. As of yet, I haven't been able to stop the chatter of the mind. The jungle is teeming with noises from all the creatures and curiously there is a karaoke bar down the road that blasts thai music accompanied by bad singing during those morning hours. There is a lot to listen to, but my mind is the loudest of all. At one point, I had a haze where I didn't really hear anything, but I came out of the haze saying over and over: "In the work of One, there are no others." I take this to mean that while I am on this path of yoga, I ought not to get involved romantically or to pursue other activities as they will distract me from this inner journey. Thereafter, it's all good, even better in fact, b/c I'll know myself better and will certainly love myself much more. This program is good in every way possible. It's as if I left a charade and am in a grounded, nurturing place that encourages me to look at myself, feel myself, find where I exist as part of this world and STOP just to listen and feel and create. It gives me vitality, life, inspiration and answers a lot of questions that I hadn't bothered to consider before.
After mediation, we have asana practice from 7-9:30 a.m. It's incredible to do these practices in flow with our inhalations and exhalations. In San Francisco, I attended dynamic, fast classes that told us when to inhale and exhale, but it was all so fast that I often didn't breathe correctly in order to keep up. Thankfully, we took a LOT of time to learn the breathing, so I am finally doing the asanas as they are supposed to be felt - a flow of body and breath. It's incredible! At 9:30, we go down to the restaurant for breakfast. Every day I have a cup of tea and homemade mueslix of coconut and ground cashew nuts atop fresh papaya, pineapple, mango, banana and raisins with yogurt and coconut milk (sometimes I had palm sugar also). Yes mom, you'd be in heaven. I love breakfast here - it's the best mueslix I ever had. All made here, except for the yogurt and raisings.
Thereafter, it's back to the pyramid. We sit on pillows in either lotus, cross legged or knees bent underneath us. The point is to keep our backs straight for hours and hours in these positions. It was difficult initially, but it's getting easier. We stretch at times, too. We then discuss the chakras and their effects physiologically, psychologically and spiritually. The first, manipura, is the root chakra - it is materialism, survival instincts. Very rooted. The second is more fluid, represented by water and covalence - this represents our emotions, social instincts and reflections of other ideas - this is also the sexual attraction area. The third, swadhistana is the fire energy, like the sun. This is where we create and are active and strong. It destroys things to create new things. It is action! The fourth is the heart chakra. Love in and out. Emotions of where we've been and where we're going. it also the repulsion element in that we extend beyond ourselves to provide. It is somewhat connected to the intuition element which we'll get to in chakra 6 - ajna - third eye. Details to come. We're on the 4th right now.
During these hours, we also watch movies, learn sanskrit chants, songs and names of asanas. We are learning Egyptian dance, Yantra yoga (yogic numerology), diet and nutrition, voice training, Bhagvad Gita, Indian and Egyptian philosophy and tons more.
I rented a motorbike finally for the rest of my time on this island. It's nice to have one as the Internet and civilization are down a very steep mountain. Now I can ride my bike down and not have to climb back up.
I get homesick for my friends and family. We have a terrific community in SF. There is also a terrific community here. Tonight, I am going to dinner with an English lady named Vicky. I hope you are all well. I am very, very, very happy to be here. Life is short. I'm glad I'm living it like this now.
Kisses and hugs and love!!!
Kyra
It's an interesting prospect. The power of oxygen. I welcome your comments...
Let me go ahead and describe a typical day. At 5:30 a.m., I wake up with the sunrise and the jungle wakes up with me. I sleep with my windows open and hope that the mosquito net will keep all unwanted guests out of my bed at least. Before rising, I say five things I am grateful for and do a couple of twists. Before popping out of bed, I check for scorpions on the floor - haven't seen any yet. I have a backdoor that leads to a bathroom without a ceiling. My mom and stepfather sent me a goofy pink wallhanging (cotton) that says "life is good" with a beatnick looking yogi smiling broadly - that's the first thing I see when I open the bathroom door and it always makes me smile. Thanks mom and Eric - you guys are funny every morning! I check for scorpions and snakes as I desend the three steps to my cold shower (no hot water here) which I take under the dawning sky. I may have "a spot of tea" before throwing on loose pants and a yoga shirt with a scarf. Sometimes I grab a handful of cashew nuts on my way out.
I walk up two hills and then a jungle path to get to the Pyramid. Sometimes I wear shoes, sometimes not. If it's raining, I may or may not take an umbrella. It doesn't really matter as it is relatively hot and steamy and we have water tubs outside of the studio and bathroom to clean our feet. The walk up both hills takes about 15 minutes. The Pyramid is open air with the largest mosquito net of blue ever seen. The 26 of us meditate there from 6:30 - 7:00 a.m. with the guidance of teachers David or Marina. As of yet, I haven't been able to stop the chatter of the mind. The jungle is teeming with noises from all the creatures and curiously there is a karaoke bar down the road that blasts thai music accompanied by bad singing during those morning hours. There is a lot to listen to, but my mind is the loudest of all. At one point, I had a haze where I didn't really hear anything, but I came out of the haze saying over and over: "In the work of One, there are no others." I take this to mean that while I am on this path of yoga, I ought not to get involved romantically or to pursue other activities as they will distract me from this inner journey. Thereafter, it's all good, even better in fact, b/c I'll know myself better and will certainly love myself much more. This program is good in every way possible. It's as if I left a charade and am in a grounded, nurturing place that encourages me to look at myself, feel myself, find where I exist as part of this world and STOP just to listen and feel and create. It gives me vitality, life, inspiration and answers a lot of questions that I hadn't bothered to consider before.
After mediation, we have asana practice from 7-9:30 a.m. It's incredible to do these practices in flow with our inhalations and exhalations. In San Francisco, I attended dynamic, fast classes that told us when to inhale and exhale, but it was all so fast that I often didn't breathe correctly in order to keep up. Thankfully, we took a LOT of time to learn the breathing, so I am finally doing the asanas as they are supposed to be felt - a flow of body and breath. It's incredible! At 9:30, we go down to the restaurant for breakfast. Every day I have a cup of tea and homemade mueslix of coconut and ground cashew nuts atop fresh papaya, pineapple, mango, banana and raisins with yogurt and coconut milk (sometimes I had palm sugar also). Yes mom, you'd be in heaven. I love breakfast here - it's the best mueslix I ever had. All made here, except for the yogurt and raisings.
Thereafter, it's back to the pyramid. We sit on pillows in either lotus, cross legged or knees bent underneath us. The point is to keep our backs straight for hours and hours in these positions. It was difficult initially, but it's getting easier. We stretch at times, too. We then discuss the chakras and their effects physiologically, psychologically and spiritually. The first, manipura, is the root chakra - it is materialism, survival instincts. Very rooted. The second is more fluid, represented by water and covalence - this represents our emotions, social instincts and reflections of other ideas - this is also the sexual attraction area. The third, swadhistana is the fire energy, like the sun. This is where we create and are active and strong. It destroys things to create new things. It is action! The fourth is the heart chakra. Love in and out. Emotions of where we've been and where we're going. it also the repulsion element in that we extend beyond ourselves to provide. It is somewhat connected to the intuition element which we'll get to in chakra 6 - ajna - third eye. Details to come. We're on the 4th right now.
During these hours, we also watch movies, learn sanskrit chants, songs and names of asanas. We are learning Egyptian dance, Yantra yoga (yogic numerology), diet and nutrition, voice training, Bhagvad Gita, Indian and Egyptian philosophy and tons more.
I rented a motorbike finally for the rest of my time on this island. It's nice to have one as the Internet and civilization are down a very steep mountain. Now I can ride my bike down and not have to climb back up.
I get homesick for my friends and family. We have a terrific community in SF. There is also a terrific community here. Tonight, I am going to dinner with an English lady named Vicky. I hope you are all well. I am very, very, very happy to be here. Life is short. I'm glad I'm living it like this now.
Kisses and hugs and love!!!
Kyra
Saturday, March 8, 2008
It is finally sunny today. We have had days of torrential downpour followed by sweltering heat. The cicadas in the jungle are going crazy with their songs before and after the downpour and mosquitoes are everywhere. Fortunately, they don't seem to like me too much. For a while, there was just one living within my mosquito net. It reminded me of Rusty saying "If you don't think you can make a difference as just one person, think of a single mosquito." He was right. I have several cute little geckos in my cabin and I love to hear their songs.
I've travelled half the island on my motorbike or by boat. It is easeful and free to ride through the tropical jungle - even in the rain. I can't believe that five weeks have already passed. We have six more to go. This week, we finished the 4th Chakra. We're learning so much, that I can't really convey in words all there is: physiology, psychology, anatomy, science, vibrational energy frequencies, creative expression...the list goes on. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world to be here now.
The female yoga instructor has a boat that she sails around the world with her husband and child. We got along famously. They may need crew from July through Sept. to go from Australia to Indonesia. If so, there is my plan. I will keep my fingers crossed, but am also relishing the fact that I have no plan. Life is delicious right now.
I think of home often and wonder how you're all doing. I've been visited now by two buddies from SF and ran into another. The lovely flow of life that San Franciscans live fits nicely with this island. Like a second home for the community.
I'm as pleasant as punch right now. Learning a lot every day. Perhaps when it has all percolated, I can share details. For now, it is brewing...
I've travelled half the island on my motorbike or by boat. It is easeful and free to ride through the tropical jungle - even in the rain. I can't believe that five weeks have already passed. We have six more to go. This week, we finished the 4th Chakra. We're learning so much, that I can't really convey in words all there is: physiology, psychology, anatomy, science, vibrational energy frequencies, creative expression...the list goes on. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world to be here now.
The female yoga instructor has a boat that she sails around the world with her husband and child. We got along famously. They may need crew from July through Sept. to go from Australia to Indonesia. If so, there is my plan. I will keep my fingers crossed, but am also relishing the fact that I have no plan. Life is delicious right now.
I think of home often and wonder how you're all doing. I've been visited now by two buddies from SF and ran into another. The lovely flow of life that San Franciscans live fits nicely with this island. Like a second home for the community.
I'm as pleasant as punch right now. Learning a lot every day. Perhaps when it has all percolated, I can share details. For now, it is brewing...
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Just Breathe
| Today, I have a scooter and I've gone a solo journey to a beach on the north side of the island. It has a sandbar going out to a little island which I will traverse just after I write this blog. There, I will snorkel, sunbathe, read my homework in preparation for tomorrow's test, then drive my moped back to Pyramid for the 6:00 drum workshop, followed by singing at 7:30 in the sound dome. I just gave Marina a recording of all of the songs I learned from Rusty Wells and Janet Stone in San Francisco. I'm hopeful that she'll incorporate it into our Sunday night Kirtans. I sing the songs daily on my own, but they're so fun that I'd love to share them with everybody. In fact, I just led a call and response at a campfire the other night and it was incredible. That is another dream come true - singing around a campfire and having people sing back - and like my voice! Beautiful! I bombed my first exam. 64%. I was shocked. How could I score so low - it's just yoga? Then I realized that I had been skeptical of everything we were learning, didn't read the chapter and generally expected that I'd sail through it. In fact, there are deep levels of knowledge from physiological, psychological, energetic, historical and anatomical levels that I truly need to delve into to grasp the science of yoga they are teaching. This is hatha yoga - many aspects of it - there is much to learn. I'm no longer reading and writing every day - I have to get over my resistance to reading. I realized that I stopped reading anything serious a long time ago as I just plain read too much at work. I love people - I missed human interaction. Here, however, what I have to read is all about yoga, my own journey through this experiential process, and it is incredible to turn life completely inside out and upside down. Why not just dive in? No need for skepticims. The other day, I was watching a mandala morph in and out of shape to follow the vibrational currencies of energies and I laughed out loud b/c this is work! Ha! We are learning how to tap into the energy of sound, voice, visuals, movement, breathing, affirmations, dance, asanas - and it's soo new. I am coloring and dancing and singing and meditating. There are sweet places of peace that I've dropped into if only for a moment that are a silent stillness that I've never known. This is recovery for thinking too much - I'm in rehab! How to be a hippy? No. How to be a yogi tuning in with the frequencies of the electromagnetic frequencies of the universe and just let my hair down while learning all of the incredible benefits of yoga for health, creativity and imagination? Absolutely! |
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Pyramid Yoga
In the middle (slightly southwest, actually) of the Gulf of Thailand is an island called Koh Phangan. On Koh Phangan is a little beach called Haad Salad and directly up and up and up and up the hill is a jungle looking out over the west. In the middle of this jungle is a giant pyramid with a grass roof and hardwood floors surrounded by the largest bright blue mosquito net ever seen. Within that pyramid, I am learning the Science of Yoga. We are studying everything yoga related, i.e. chanting, singing, breathing, meditation, the chakras, electromagnetic energy and the law of physics, physiology, psychology, anatomy, spirituality, doing good deeds, studying yogic texts and of course doing the asanas (108 physical postures). There are people from all over the world and of all ages studying here (22 women and 3 men) for various reasons. All of them are special in their own right - unique - curious - well travelled - and sophisticated. I have a lovely little bungalow detached from the Pyramid property and am just beginning to get grounded now that we are in our second week.
There is much much much much much to say. I don't really know where to begin. I miss Rusty and Janet's classes very much. I was initially frustrated at the slow pace in which we did our asana practice. We spent the first two days learning how to breathe and doing an entire class learning only five very basic poses like tadasana (mountain pose). I cursed myself for not downloading Rusty's cd so that I could have a good ole' vinyasa class on my lovely balcony. I missed singing with Rusty and Janet and took to singing all the time around the property and silently when in class. I felt restless to get a motorbike and explore the island rather than read my books and write in my journal. During meditation, I would think five thousand thoughts and curse myself for not stopping. Then...it hit me...as we were doing asanas today, David (one of two teachers) said 'just let the flow of your breath move you in and out of the pose.' Although Rusty often said to move with the breath, I was often so busy keeping up with the incredible yogins around me that I forgot to breathe. Slowing down in yoga was actually the best thing I could've done for my practice. I did actually feel the breath. I can hear myself breathing now, as opposed to feeling like one day I'd catch up and breathe. Although their chants and songs are also slower than Rusty and Janet's, I am grateful for what has come to me and the ability to have voice training, yes! voice training, in order to sing these songs. I still sing their songs all the time and Marina (the other teacher) has asked me to sing on her dictaphone so they can broaden their repertoire. So there are Rusty and Janet's songs all the way over in Thailand! Today in mediation, I actually plunged into a ripple of calm and felt it's vibrations tickle around me like a feather - it was so calm. I've had people tell me very funny things about myself like: "I wish I was as flexible as you - you're forward bend looks so joyful!" and "you seem pretty cool," i.e. not pitha (but I am a pitha - which means fire energy in ayuverdic properties, I think) and "how are you so laid back, is that b/c you're from California?" One yoga teacher even pulled me up in front of class to show everybody what hyperextension looks like and how I automatically compensate, i.e. make adjustments to ensure that I don't hurt myself in postures - thank YOU Rusty and Janet for teaching me how to do this - I wasn't even aware that I was so flexible or hyperextended - I just learned from you how to do it correctly for me! My point is this: I'm pretty relaxed here. This yoga stuff is really helping. People see me as a way I've always wanted to feel and it's pretty mindblowing. My forward fold, i.e. forward journey IS indeed joyous! Here, we learn everything about yoga - not just exercise.
Although there are some challenges, too. We are starting with the first chakra and looking at the root principles. We've been charged with some challenging questions and I've seen very clearly that I have been living in a pattern that is fast, rapid, successful and very loving but busy. It's really nice to just relax and feel into my breath, feel into movement, feel into my emotions, feel into life, feel into nature and just feel into my connection with the universe on a physiological level. I never realized that electromagnetic physics could be so fascinating! Albert Einstein himself was a yogi. He said that imagination is more powerful than knowledge. If this is imagination and I have all the knowledge of a great education, an incredible community, a loving family and a wealth of travels and adventures, I can only imagine the possibilities as I feel into things, break down internal barriers and allow myself to creatively flow with my imagination. The first chakra is about survival as well as creativity. It is the building block for all. Mine has been too busy to truly explore this realm. Now is the time. I expect great, beautiful, super colorful things to come out of this. I am glad I am here.
I do miss you all - please write. BTW, I don't have my cell phone so no text messages to the old number. Just e-mail (on this blog or kmillich@hotmail.com). Much love to you, diving beings!
Kyra
There is much much much much much to say. I don't really know where to begin. I miss Rusty and Janet's classes very much. I was initially frustrated at the slow pace in which we did our asana practice. We spent the first two days learning how to breathe and doing an entire class learning only five very basic poses like tadasana (mountain pose). I cursed myself for not downloading Rusty's cd so that I could have a good ole' vinyasa class on my lovely balcony. I missed singing with Rusty and Janet and took to singing all the time around the property and silently when in class. I felt restless to get a motorbike and explore the island rather than read my books and write in my journal. During meditation, I would think five thousand thoughts and curse myself for not stopping. Then...it hit me...as we were doing asanas today, David (one of two teachers) said 'just let the flow of your breath move you in and out of the pose.' Although Rusty often said to move with the breath, I was often so busy keeping up with the incredible yogins around me that I forgot to breathe. Slowing down in yoga was actually the best thing I could've done for my practice. I did actually feel the breath. I can hear myself breathing now, as opposed to feeling like one day I'd catch up and breathe. Although their chants and songs are also slower than Rusty and Janet's, I am grateful for what has come to me and the ability to have voice training, yes! voice training, in order to sing these songs. I still sing their songs all the time and Marina (the other teacher) has asked me to sing on her dictaphone so they can broaden their repertoire. So there are Rusty and Janet's songs all the way over in Thailand! Today in mediation, I actually plunged into a ripple of calm and felt it's vibrations tickle around me like a feather - it was so calm. I've had people tell me very funny things about myself like: "I wish I was as flexible as you - you're forward bend looks so joyful!" and "you seem pretty cool," i.e. not pitha (but I am a pitha - which means fire energy in ayuverdic properties, I think) and "how are you so laid back, is that b/c you're from California?" One yoga teacher even pulled me up in front of class to show everybody what hyperextension looks like and how I automatically compensate, i.e. make adjustments to ensure that I don't hurt myself in postures - thank YOU Rusty and Janet for teaching me how to do this - I wasn't even aware that I was so flexible or hyperextended - I just learned from you how to do it correctly for me! My point is this: I'm pretty relaxed here. This yoga stuff is really helping. People see me as a way I've always wanted to feel and it's pretty mindblowing. My forward fold, i.e. forward journey IS indeed joyous! Here, we learn everything about yoga - not just exercise.
Although there are some challenges, too. We are starting with the first chakra and looking at the root principles. We've been charged with some challenging questions and I've seen very clearly that I have been living in a pattern that is fast, rapid, successful and very loving but busy. It's really nice to just relax and feel into my breath, feel into movement, feel into my emotions, feel into life, feel into nature and just feel into my connection with the universe on a physiological level. I never realized that electromagnetic physics could be so fascinating! Albert Einstein himself was a yogi. He said that imagination is more powerful than knowledge. If this is imagination and I have all the knowledge of a great education, an incredible community, a loving family and a wealth of travels and adventures, I can only imagine the possibilities as I feel into things, break down internal barriers and allow myself to creatively flow with my imagination. The first chakra is about survival as well as creativity. It is the building block for all. Mine has been too busy to truly explore this realm. Now is the time. I expect great, beautiful, super colorful things to come out of this. I am glad I am here.
I do miss you all - please write. BTW, I don't have my cell phone so no text messages to the old number. Just e-mail (on this blog or kmillich@hotmail.com). Much love to you, diving beings!
Kyra
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Sanctuary
There is a place on Koh Phangan called 'The Sanctuary.' I love it. The beach consists of light soft pebbles and sand and warm and wild waves dance from every direction to spill into a booming curl of wave after wave - a milder, gentler version of the Pacific - but no less enchanting for its sound or vitality. The people are open and relaxed from all over the world - they bring with them their cultures, their accents, their unique sense of style - yet they all seem to share this common mode of contentment. It is a community of Santosha only further enlivened by the quartz bolders radiating their energy into the bungalows and jungle gardens and towering palm trees billowing in the breeze. Many people have left their countries for a month or more, many have visited again and then again and then again only to reside here for six months and back at home for another six months to make money. I've met yoga teachers, a cartoon artist, a truffle maker, a tarot card reader, a filmmaker, a spa designer and so many others - all creative, all passionate about what they do, and all relaxing in and around this beautiful bay. It is nice to see that when people actually leave their lives' routines, that they do not have to live in squalor or out of a backpack - indeed, they can find communities that nurture and inspire, while the indiviuals maintain their unique personalities and in fact go deeper into themselves in this environment. I'm not exaggerating when I say that the people here have a glow - they are quite simply beautiful - contentment and following one's heart radiate from the inside out.
For instance, my neighbor at my first bungalow was so inspired that he sang opera first thing in the morning. While this is a lovely example of his openness and joy of life which I can appreciate, I chose to do so from afar. I moved. I also found it a bit odd that this particular garden bungalow overlooked an open air gym complete with perfectly polished weight machines. It's aptly called 'Jungle Gym.' A trip.
The next bungalow was just above the Sanctuary kitchen and lounge/restaurant area. A scientist named Bob was a returning traveller here, who like so many returning travelers to the Sanctuary, had been welcomed by the community and thrown a party on the eve of his departure. The music selection and the sound system are both fantastic and Bob quite liked dancing. I hope he will be safe as he returns to his violence-filled society in Kenya. The party went well into the morning and again, I appreciate the love, the lack of rules, the celebration of commnity and the incredible people here, but I chose to do so from afar. I moved further up the hill to lovely Bungalow 6. Imagine an outdoor shower with grantite spilling into the chamber on which you can shave your legs, place your things and get energized by all at once. Imagine further a little bungalow with a deck and hammock overlooking the crashing blue waves of the Gulf of Thailand and green jugles spilling over boulders onto the sand. This was my lovely little home for three more nights. It was perfect!
Just over the hill is a delicious restaurant with a breathtaking view. I was invited by a couple of people to attend a birthday dinner of one of the yoga instructors the third night that I was at Sanctuary. I went to the party and the couple who invited me (one man was from San Francisco and the woman says she recognizes me from San Francisco - she's an Aussie but his girlfriend for a while - both burners) were not there. Sprawled out on pillows among low tables piled with mounds of mouth-watering Thai food and coconuts were dozens of layed back 'local transplants.' I greeted the beautiful birthday girl, Lily, who is a yoga teacher as she was getting four massages - on each limb from adoring men - and beaming a bright beautiful smile onto the party. The moon shined behind her and the sound of the waves far below made it seem like we were all floating. I wished her a happy birthday and joined the party. Even though I knew nobody, every person was open and kind. Within moments Kate from England and I were sharing a lovely steamed fish that we ate with our fingers - succulent sweet and spicy, it was. Kate has returned many times to this place and spent a long time travelling - she is me in a couple of years. She is relaxed, smart and beautiful. She said 'I look forward to seeing you again after your course.' I couldn't agree more. On my other side was Marisa - a champion thai boxer from Australia (I think) - who decided there should be gyms on the island. She started 'Jungle Gym.' Who knew a foreigner could come up with such a wacky idea and apparently be quite successful? Wild.
The list goes on...the beauty of all of this, the realization that I'd left it all behind, the stark contrast between me and them as far as how completely laid back they were, the realization that every person at the table had chosen to change their lives in this manner....well, it was quite simply overwhelming. I kept feeling waves of emotion. I got up and walked to a giant boulder nearby and laid down to gaze at the stars and process my feelings. Shortly thereafter, I was joined by one of the men at the table - a wild blue eyed blonde with a gentle nature - named Shane. He silently joined me from a distance and after a few minutes we pointed out constellations to eachother and reveled in the beauty of the night sky. He then got up and rejoined the party. I did the same a few minutes later. The interactions here are that simple. Easy, natural and good.
The next day, as I was swinging on my hammock, I realized that much of my life has been trying to be someone that I am not - trying to force a round peg into a square hole. For instance, as a pre-teen, I played sports - not b/c I liked them - but b/c that's what my friends were doing and I didn't want to miss out. I tried to get into jingle writing and accepted jobs that were secretarial and media trafficking oriented for several years instead of really going for it. I then went to law school b/c I felt like I hadn't had enough respect in life and people didn't think I was smart enough. Where I got this idea is still a mystery. My head. We all know that for me, practicing litigation was always a struggle. It feels like a life long ago now - accounting for every six minutes of my time in order to bill properly; thinking and writing analytically although my thoughts are florid and my writing more romantic than persuasive; rarely interacting face to face with anyone who was happy with their lives, i.e. opposing counsel, other lawyers and clients who had been screwed by the system in one way or another. I was fortunate to be in a law firm with good people who were kind-hearted and were passionate about consumer protection via the law. But, it never quite fit. I am processing this now - it's a lot to take in...all around me are people that have chosen paths that DO fit. Now is my time to do the same. Trust. Love. Surrender.
I met a giant of a man with dark hair and a keen intellect - again - radiant. He has returned to Sanctuary many times to teach a course in yoga with his partner, a stunning woman who is as zen as it gets. Like him, there is something settled and stoic and beautiful about her. This man told me I should take their course at the Sanctuary for one month beginning Feb. 22. He said to give Pyramid a week and then come back if I didn't like it. He said his course is the true course to learn to teach yoga properly. The new age aspects of Pyramid - with the singing, the chanting, the chakra study, the mandala drawing, etc. - although appealing to me seem to him to be superfluous new age stuff that can contribute to a solid base. But, he says, his course is the solid base that I need. When I told him that I signed up as a result of a series of serendipitous events, he said 'maybe that all happened just to get you on the island. Be spontaneous.' I grappled with this. Was this man a message sent by the universe to put me on the right course or was this an amplification of my usual pattern in following someone else's lead and not thinking for myself?
I had my tarot cards read by an exotic happy Spaniard who wore shells and leather on his scantily adorned tanned and toned body. His name is Pau. He reminds me much of another radiant, exotic man named JaJa back in San Francisco. I liked Pau immediately. His eyes shine. As he read my cards I silently asked if I should go with this man or go on my own. After Pau confirmed that I had a question in my mind, he answered 'you know emotionally what you want, you know what you love - the answer is yes - but you first need to develop your creativity and strength and have fun - not just one person is your teacher or your guide - you have the knowledge already within you but you just can't see it. Take your time. Follow your path. Stay open.' I asked out loud if my teacher would come to me. Pau read the cards and answered that my teacher had already come, that my teacher was everywhere - in a bird, in a child, in the ocean, in eachother. He said I am just beginning to open to all of this. I asked if I would heal people. He pulled cards and said that yes, I have already healed and inspired may people - that I stem from a very powerful source, but that I got preoccupied and bogged down and distracted from my path. He asked 'you have really delved into healing yourself about six months ago?' And I responded 'yes.' At about that time, I told my boss and my community that I was quitting my job and doing this course. I said it to everyone to make that affirmation - so I couldn't change my mind. He then explained that the next card showed a woman with a master teacher standing alongside her. She is looking at the balls and holding one in her hand, not looking at the master. He asked what I saw in the card and I said 'she seems selfish and foolish, here is this wise person waiting for her attention to share his wisdom and she's too preoccupied to notice.' Pau responded, 'no, no, don't you see that she is caring about her own needs, tending to her own development before blindly offering up what she has to someone else. This woman is you, she is not selfish, she is cultivating herself, honing her tools. The master stays there. When she is ready, then she can share with him. He reiterated that I am on my path, that it is okay to be on it. There is nothing selfish about it, nothing to feel bad about. Stay open, stay open, stay open. He asked what I saw in the next card and I said a sad woman with an empty cup. He laughed and said to take a closer look: indeed the cup was running over. The woman was a queen, looking lovingly at the cup as it spilled over. He said this is you - you are a powerful woman. Your cup is running over with love and energy and healing. Yet you choose not to see it. This is why you have come here. To open your eyes, to accept your nature, to open. The last card he asked again what I saw - I saw a sorrow filled girl. He lauged again and said this was a thoughtful and conscious princess - she is spreading her seeds of enlightenment all around to so many people. She is directed by the Queen's (my) vitality. He said that this interplay is my future. To open, to be conscious and powerful and healing and loving. But my present, my present is cultivating the tools to open my heart and embrace my true self.
The last day at Sanctuary I got a two hour thai massage from a lady named Mae at Bamboo Hut. Her place was on top of the boulder where I'd star gazed previously. I laid down overlooking the ocean as she twisted and pried me every which way. It felt incredible. She told me I need once a week or a month to get all of the bad energy out of me. She said my yoga practice has moved it all around b/c it's no longer dormant in my body but needs to get out with yoga and massage. She also told me not to think so much. She said it's time now for me to rid myself of the energy that makes me stiff. To stay open...she told me I am beautiful, only growing more beautiful...stay open...
This theme rises up again an again. First, with the breathwork in Oct. 2006, then with a western astrology reading, then with revelations I had taking Rusty Well's yoga courses, then again with a Vedic Astrological reading from Bhagavan Das. I was meant to heal, I am powerful, I am on a course of opening and opening and in doing so, finding my true path. Although the opportunity to build a foundation to truly teach yoga exists today from another person, I trust that my path has lead me to Pyramid Yoga Center. This is what I want to do. I stay open to taking the foundation course at some other point - perhaps in Sept. My true teacher, my self, says that Pyramid right now is the way. I like trusting that. It feels good.
I arrived at Pyramid Yoga Center yesterday. The bungalow I settled into (after one swap) has a lovely view of the Gulf of Thailand and an outdoor shower with a little zen garden slightly detached and walled off from the bathroom. I take solace knowing that the scorpions prefer rocks to wood floors, so there's little chance they'll climb up to my bungalow. I take further solace knowing that the endemic cobras don't like the smell of humans so there's little chance they'll decide to reside alongside my bed. Nice little rhyme there. Otherwise no other scary creepy crawlies to be cocerned with.
As for the center, there is a giant pyramid of mosquito net walls and a sprawling hardwood floor. It is sooooo peaceful. Doing yoga here twice a day for three months is a blessing. I went into the sound dome that is filled with pillows, instruments and mandalas. I sang a bit to Ganesha and it sounded delightful. I think I'm really going to like it here. The people could not be better. I was concerned they'd be too young and too new agey - and indeed they have alternative professions, but again they are open and nice- not closed off and spacey. Two women are MS energy healers from Bermuda (although one is originally from Scotland so has the lovely brogue I love so much from my days at Stirling Univ.), one couple is from Cyprus (the Greek side) - he is a masseus. One lady came from South Africa with her two year old son - her hubby is staying for one month. There are several Canadians involved in the fitness world and looking to bring some Eastern philosophy into their practices. There is a young man from Ireland who has been roaming the world for three years and is trying to figure out what to do next. There's a man who is 39 (older than me - yahoo! I'm not the oldest!) who is a neuro sound healer. There are a couple of brits - one a funny journalist who reminds me of my old pal Jodi although no one can compare of course. All in all, there are lots of exchanges of interesting energy work to be done. The people I've met are true to their course and very grounded in their alterative professions. Again, this is an example of a community of people who have followed their hearts in their life's work.
As I write this today, I am very grateful for this ongoing lesson and opening and exposure and journeying. At times, I just can't believe it. I hear a voice in my head saying "This can't be real, this isn't for you," and then I simply notice that voice pass by as I take in what is around me always remaining open and open and open and open...
The course begins tomorrow. The journey continues...
For instance, my neighbor at my first bungalow was so inspired that he sang opera first thing in the morning. While this is a lovely example of his openness and joy of life which I can appreciate, I chose to do so from afar. I moved. I also found it a bit odd that this particular garden bungalow overlooked an open air gym complete with perfectly polished weight machines. It's aptly called 'Jungle Gym.' A trip.
The next bungalow was just above the Sanctuary kitchen and lounge/restaurant area. A scientist named Bob was a returning traveller here, who like so many returning travelers to the Sanctuary, had been welcomed by the community and thrown a party on the eve of his departure. The music selection and the sound system are both fantastic and Bob quite liked dancing. I hope he will be safe as he returns to his violence-filled society in Kenya. The party went well into the morning and again, I appreciate the love, the lack of rules, the celebration of commnity and the incredible people here, but I chose to do so from afar. I moved further up the hill to lovely Bungalow 6. Imagine an outdoor shower with grantite spilling into the chamber on which you can shave your legs, place your things and get energized by all at once. Imagine further a little bungalow with a deck and hammock overlooking the crashing blue waves of the Gulf of Thailand and green jugles spilling over boulders onto the sand. This was my lovely little home for three more nights. It was perfect!
Just over the hill is a delicious restaurant with a breathtaking view. I was invited by a couple of people to attend a birthday dinner of one of the yoga instructors the third night that I was at Sanctuary. I went to the party and the couple who invited me (one man was from San Francisco and the woman says she recognizes me from San Francisco - she's an Aussie but his girlfriend for a while - both burners) were not there. Sprawled out on pillows among low tables piled with mounds of mouth-watering Thai food and coconuts were dozens of layed back 'local transplants.' I greeted the beautiful birthday girl, Lily, who is a yoga teacher as she was getting four massages - on each limb from adoring men - and beaming a bright beautiful smile onto the party. The moon shined behind her and the sound of the waves far below made it seem like we were all floating. I wished her a happy birthday and joined the party. Even though I knew nobody, every person was open and kind. Within moments Kate from England and I were sharing a lovely steamed fish that we ate with our fingers - succulent sweet and spicy, it was. Kate has returned many times to this place and spent a long time travelling - she is me in a couple of years. She is relaxed, smart and beautiful. She said 'I look forward to seeing you again after your course.' I couldn't agree more. On my other side was Marisa - a champion thai boxer from Australia (I think) - who decided there should be gyms on the island. She started 'Jungle Gym.' Who knew a foreigner could come up with such a wacky idea and apparently be quite successful? Wild.
The list goes on...the beauty of all of this, the realization that I'd left it all behind, the stark contrast between me and them as far as how completely laid back they were, the realization that every person at the table had chosen to change their lives in this manner....well, it was quite simply overwhelming. I kept feeling waves of emotion. I got up and walked to a giant boulder nearby and laid down to gaze at the stars and process my feelings. Shortly thereafter, I was joined by one of the men at the table - a wild blue eyed blonde with a gentle nature - named Shane. He silently joined me from a distance and after a few minutes we pointed out constellations to eachother and reveled in the beauty of the night sky. He then got up and rejoined the party. I did the same a few minutes later. The interactions here are that simple. Easy, natural and good.
The next day, as I was swinging on my hammock, I realized that much of my life has been trying to be someone that I am not - trying to force a round peg into a square hole. For instance, as a pre-teen, I played sports - not b/c I liked them - but b/c that's what my friends were doing and I didn't want to miss out. I tried to get into jingle writing and accepted jobs that were secretarial and media trafficking oriented for several years instead of really going for it. I then went to law school b/c I felt like I hadn't had enough respect in life and people didn't think I was smart enough. Where I got this idea is still a mystery. My head. We all know that for me, practicing litigation was always a struggle. It feels like a life long ago now - accounting for every six minutes of my time in order to bill properly; thinking and writing analytically although my thoughts are florid and my writing more romantic than persuasive; rarely interacting face to face with anyone who was happy with their lives, i.e. opposing counsel, other lawyers and clients who had been screwed by the system in one way or another. I was fortunate to be in a law firm with good people who were kind-hearted and were passionate about consumer protection via the law. But, it never quite fit. I am processing this now - it's a lot to take in...all around me are people that have chosen paths that DO fit. Now is my time to do the same. Trust. Love. Surrender.
I met a giant of a man with dark hair and a keen intellect - again - radiant. He has returned to Sanctuary many times to teach a course in yoga with his partner, a stunning woman who is as zen as it gets. Like him, there is something settled and stoic and beautiful about her. This man told me I should take their course at the Sanctuary for one month beginning Feb. 22. He said to give Pyramid a week and then come back if I didn't like it. He said his course is the true course to learn to teach yoga properly. The new age aspects of Pyramid - with the singing, the chanting, the chakra study, the mandala drawing, etc. - although appealing to me seem to him to be superfluous new age stuff that can contribute to a solid base. But, he says, his course is the solid base that I need. When I told him that I signed up as a result of a series of serendipitous events, he said 'maybe that all happened just to get you on the island. Be spontaneous.' I grappled with this. Was this man a message sent by the universe to put me on the right course or was this an amplification of my usual pattern in following someone else's lead and not thinking for myself?
I had my tarot cards read by an exotic happy Spaniard who wore shells and leather on his scantily adorned tanned and toned body. His name is Pau. He reminds me much of another radiant, exotic man named JaJa back in San Francisco. I liked Pau immediately. His eyes shine. As he read my cards I silently asked if I should go with this man or go on my own. After Pau confirmed that I had a question in my mind, he answered 'you know emotionally what you want, you know what you love - the answer is yes - but you first need to develop your creativity and strength and have fun - not just one person is your teacher or your guide - you have the knowledge already within you but you just can't see it. Take your time. Follow your path. Stay open.' I asked out loud if my teacher would come to me. Pau read the cards and answered that my teacher had already come, that my teacher was everywhere - in a bird, in a child, in the ocean, in eachother. He said I am just beginning to open to all of this. I asked if I would heal people. He pulled cards and said that yes, I have already healed and inspired may people - that I stem from a very powerful source, but that I got preoccupied and bogged down and distracted from my path. He asked 'you have really delved into healing yourself about six months ago?' And I responded 'yes.' At about that time, I told my boss and my community that I was quitting my job and doing this course. I said it to everyone to make that affirmation - so I couldn't change my mind. He then explained that the next card showed a woman with a master teacher standing alongside her. She is looking at the balls and holding one in her hand, not looking at the master. He asked what I saw in the card and I said 'she seems selfish and foolish, here is this wise person waiting for her attention to share his wisdom and she's too preoccupied to notice.' Pau responded, 'no, no, don't you see that she is caring about her own needs, tending to her own development before blindly offering up what she has to someone else. This woman is you, she is not selfish, she is cultivating herself, honing her tools. The master stays there. When she is ready, then she can share with him. He reiterated that I am on my path, that it is okay to be on it. There is nothing selfish about it, nothing to feel bad about. Stay open, stay open, stay open. He asked what I saw in the next card and I said a sad woman with an empty cup. He laughed and said to take a closer look: indeed the cup was running over. The woman was a queen, looking lovingly at the cup as it spilled over. He said this is you - you are a powerful woman. Your cup is running over with love and energy and healing. Yet you choose not to see it. This is why you have come here. To open your eyes, to accept your nature, to open. The last card he asked again what I saw - I saw a sorrow filled girl. He lauged again and said this was a thoughtful and conscious princess - she is spreading her seeds of enlightenment all around to so many people. She is directed by the Queen's (my) vitality. He said that this interplay is my future. To open, to be conscious and powerful and healing and loving. But my present, my present is cultivating the tools to open my heart and embrace my true self.
The last day at Sanctuary I got a two hour thai massage from a lady named Mae at Bamboo Hut. Her place was on top of the boulder where I'd star gazed previously. I laid down overlooking the ocean as she twisted and pried me every which way. It felt incredible. She told me I need once a week or a month to get all of the bad energy out of me. She said my yoga practice has moved it all around b/c it's no longer dormant in my body but needs to get out with yoga and massage. She also told me not to think so much. She said it's time now for me to rid myself of the energy that makes me stiff. To stay open...she told me I am beautiful, only growing more beautiful...stay open...
This theme rises up again an again. First, with the breathwork in Oct. 2006, then with a western astrology reading, then with revelations I had taking Rusty Well's yoga courses, then again with a Vedic Astrological reading from Bhagavan Das. I was meant to heal, I am powerful, I am on a course of opening and opening and in doing so, finding my true path. Although the opportunity to build a foundation to truly teach yoga exists today from another person, I trust that my path has lead me to Pyramid Yoga Center. This is what I want to do. I stay open to taking the foundation course at some other point - perhaps in Sept. My true teacher, my self, says that Pyramid right now is the way. I like trusting that. It feels good.
I arrived at Pyramid Yoga Center yesterday. The bungalow I settled into (after one swap) has a lovely view of the Gulf of Thailand and an outdoor shower with a little zen garden slightly detached and walled off from the bathroom. I take solace knowing that the scorpions prefer rocks to wood floors, so there's little chance they'll climb up to my bungalow. I take further solace knowing that the endemic cobras don't like the smell of humans so there's little chance they'll decide to reside alongside my bed. Nice little rhyme there. Otherwise no other scary creepy crawlies to be cocerned with.
As for the center, there is a giant pyramid of mosquito net walls and a sprawling hardwood floor. It is sooooo peaceful. Doing yoga here twice a day for three months is a blessing. I went into the sound dome that is filled with pillows, instruments and mandalas. I sang a bit to Ganesha and it sounded delightful. I think I'm really going to like it here. The people could not be better. I was concerned they'd be too young and too new agey - and indeed they have alternative professions, but again they are open and nice- not closed off and spacey. Two women are MS energy healers from Bermuda (although one is originally from Scotland so has the lovely brogue I love so much from my days at Stirling Univ.), one couple is from Cyprus (the Greek side) - he is a masseus. One lady came from South Africa with her two year old son - her hubby is staying for one month. There are several Canadians involved in the fitness world and looking to bring some Eastern philosophy into their practices. There is a young man from Ireland who has been roaming the world for three years and is trying to figure out what to do next. There's a man who is 39 (older than me - yahoo! I'm not the oldest!) who is a neuro sound healer. There are a couple of brits - one a funny journalist who reminds me of my old pal Jodi although no one can compare of course. All in all, there are lots of exchanges of interesting energy work to be done. The people I've met are true to their course and very grounded in their alterative professions. Again, this is an example of a community of people who have followed their hearts in their life's work.
As I write this today, I am very grateful for this ongoing lesson and opening and exposure and journeying. At times, I just can't believe it. I hear a voice in my head saying "This can't be real, this isn't for you," and then I simply notice that voice pass by as I take in what is around me always remaining open and open and open and open...
The course begins tomorrow. The journey continues...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)